A very strange thing just happened. I went to one of those highschool classmate sites and plugged my name in to see if anyone I knew was registered. At first, none of the names rang any bells; I coudn't remember anyone's last name. After scrolling down a bit, I started to recognize names and remember people.
I guess I should preface this by saying that I do not keep in touch with anyone from high school. Anyone. I had friends, and I do wonder what happened to certain people from time to time, but it doesn't occupy much space in my life. Or so I thought until now.
Anyway, as I started to recognize names I started wondering if I should send some of these folks an email. I even found the name of the person who was my best friend in high school. I was glad to see her name, and briefly thought about sending her an email. "This is just to see who's here," I thought to myself, "I'll write later."
I got to the end of the list and thought about going through again and picking out all the names I knew, or even getting my yearbook and trying to place faces with the names.
Then it occured to me that A Certain Person might find my name and try to contact me. My stomach sank and my chest tightened. The only thing I could think of was that I had to remove my name from this Web site. Now. After a few frantic minutes of searching, I found out how to remove my name (they don't make it easy to find, let me tell ya) and I did so immediately.
My trip down memory lane ends with a chase by shadowy figures into a brightly lit room where I bar the door behind me.
As you may have guessed, high school wasn't the most pleasant time in my life. It is probably safe to say it was the worst time of my life. It wasn's high school itself, per se, though I was (was?!) quite a dork. There was just a lot of twisted shite going on about that time. I was unhappy most of the time, depressed a lot of the time and occasionally suicidal. I survived (thank god), but I see now that I did so by locking it up in a part of my mind that I refuse to acknowledge.
Is it any wonder I never registered with any of those sites until now, and that my registration was so short?
*Sigh* I think this means I need to do some soul searching or go to therapy or something...
avoidant
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